They say that hindsight is 20/20, but looking back I can't find any clues that I missed. We hadn't seen each other in weeks, so there is much that I might not have known about.

Sometimes you think you know someone: what they are capable of, what type of person they are, what they are made of. Then comes the shocker -- they've done the unthinkable. Maybe alcohol played a role, I don't know. Drugs? It crossed my mind, but I doubt it. There's just so much I don't know; so much, that I really don't know anything. I put puzzles together for a living, sorting through clues and details trying to gain insight into what is happing thousands of miles away. If I were an investigator on some TV drama, I could figure it all out. How did this happen?

After a short time, the denial and disbelief sets in. Maybe it's not true. The cold, hard reality is slow to decend, but you eventually realize that someone you cared about is gone.

I know my friend will never read this post, never know the hurt they caused.